Ryan Offers to Run, Assad to Moscow

Mr. Speaker: Despite previous insistence that he will not run, Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan says he will be a candidate for Speaker of the House if he has support from all wings of the Republican House. Ryan’s announcement relieves the Republicans of the embarrassment of having no serious candidate for one of the most powerful political positions in the government. But Ryan is insisting upon having support even from the “Freedom Caucus,” the 36 wild-eyed right wingers who would shut down the government to get their way.

Ryan gave his party until Friday to pull up their pants and support him. He said at a press conference about his change of mind, “I came to the conclusion that this is a very dire moment, not just for Congress, not just for the Republican Party, but for our country. And I think our country is in desperate need of leadership.”

Single Elimination: Former Virginia Sen. Jim Webb, barely registering in the polls, has dropped out of the Democratic race for President. He was the guy in the Democratic debate complaining that he barely got a chance to speak. Webb said he’s considering a run as an independent, “a new declaration of independence not from an outside power but from a paralysis of a political system.” He had no chance as a Democrat and even less as an independent.

Nation: The American Cancer Society has added to the confusion about breast cancer and mammograms, saying women don’t have to start having the exams until they are 45, then have them every year until they are 55. The ACS previously said the starting age should be 40. Some studies say it’s not necessary to start mammograms until age 50, and some say mammograms don’t do anything to lower the risk of dying of breast cancer.

>Consumer Reports has pulled its recommendation for the Tesla model S luxury sedan after owners complained about the “drivetrain, power equipment, charging equipment, giant iPad-like center console, and body and sunroof squeaks, rattles, and leaks.” And when the automatic retracting door handles don’t work, the driver is locked out. That’s a lot of troubles for an $80,000 car. After hearing from 1400 Model S owners, Consumer Reports concluded that “owning that Tesla is likely to involve a worse-than-average overall problem rate.”

Brain Drain: Ahmed Mohamed, the Irving, Texas high school student who was arrested and suspended from school after showing his teacher a home made clock she thought looked like a bomb, is moving to Qatar with his family where he’s being given a full scholarship for both high school and college. His teacher and the cops who handcuffed Mohamed are staying in Texas with no offers for further education.

Permawar: President Bashar al-Assad of Syria has travelled to Moscow to talk to Vladimir Putin about the situation in Syria’s civil war and a possible political transition … putting someone, or something else in command of the country. Putin said, “Our position is that positive results in military operations will lay the basis for then working out a long-term settlement, based on a political process that involves all political forces, ethnic and religious groups.”

The Obit Page: Pat Woodell, who played the middle sister Bobbie Jo Bradley for two years in the 1960s sitcom “Petticoat Junction,” died in September at age 71. After some guest-star spots on other shows, she was picked up to play one of the sisters in “Petticoat Junction.” She left after two years to return to her career as a singer.

Dept. of Corrections: We completely messed up the numbers on former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau, the late father of the newly-elected prime minister Justin Trudeau. Pierre was prime minister for 11 years, starting in 1968, and for another four, beginning in 1980. We apologize to our one Canadian reader.

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It's Been Said

"Christians, get out and vote, just this time. You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what, it will be fixed, it will be fine, you won't have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians. I love you Christians. I'm a Christian. I love you, get out, you gotta get out and vote. In four years, you don't have to vote again, we'll have it fixed so good you're not going to have to vote."

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