Ukraine: Russian President Vladimir Putin signed papers today formalizing the annexation of Crimea while Ukraine signed a deal for closer economic ties with Europe.

  Putin made jokes about Western sanctions. He said he was considering opening an account at the Bank Rossiya, the only company targeted for sanctions. And he joked about the sanctions placed on his staff and close associates. “We should distance ourselves from them,” he said. “They compromise us.”

Mystery Jet: Nothing was found today in the search for missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370. Searchers in planes have not been able to locate two mystery objects spotted by satellite. The plane vanished 14 days ago.

Nation: More than 100 illegal immigrants were rescued yesterday from a Houston “stash” house where they were being held captive until they paid for their trip. The group included, 94 men, 15 women, and some children held in a 1,500 square foot house. Conditions in the house were described as squalid. The immigrants had been stripped of clothes and shoes to discourage their escape.  Five people were arrested.

World: Nine people died when gunmen broke into the dining room the five-star Serena Hotel in Kabul, Afghanistan. Two teenage gunmen, who were believed to have hidden pistols in their socks, were killed by security. The hotel was packed with people celebrating the eve of the Persian new year. Among the dead were a staff reporter for Agence France-Presse, his wife, and two of their three children. The Serena had been considered one of the safest spots for foreigners. In taking responsibility, the Taliban said they have the ability to strike wherever they want.

>Michelle Obama, her two daughters and mother are touring China while the kids are on spring break. They’re scheduled to visit Beijing, Xi’an, and Chengdu. It is not a diplomatic visit.

The Obit Page: Anti-gay church leader Fred Phelps, Sr., founder of the Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas, died at age 84. He was reported to be terminally ill only a few days ago. Phelps and his followers gained notoriety for picketing the funerals of American soldiers with signs saying things like “God Hates Fags” and “Fags Doom Nations.” He believed that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were God’s punishment for American tolerance of homosexuality. It appears that God finally got Phelps to shut up.

Grande: The Starbucks coffee chain announced plans to expand sales of beer and wine in its stores after 6:00. They sell alcohol in some shops now and say it’s been successful. The chain is looking for ways to keep the traffic flowing during the evening. Forty stores are expected to offer beer and wine after the caffeine hours by the end of the year. Wire them up, then bring them down. It’s a great business plan.

Bracketology: As March Madness gets underway, ESPN number cruncher Nate Silver predicts the Final Four will be Florida, Arizona, Michigan State, and Louisville, with Michigan the winner. President “Baracket” Obama picked the same final four and champion without doing all the complicated math. Nate Silver predicted Obama’s re-election, but then, so did Obama.

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