Indy Leader Resigns, Miley More Than That

Scotland: First Minister Alex Salmon is stepping down after losing the independence vote and also resigning as leader of the Scottish National Party. Salmon dedicated his political life to Scottish independence and leaves in disappointment. He said, “For me as leader my time is nearly over, but for Scotland the campaign continues and the dream shall never die.

Nation: The White House was put on partial lockdown last night after a man jumped the fence and entered the compound. Omar J. Gonzalez, 42, from Texas, made it inside the North Portico doors before he was grabbed.The president and his family were not home at the time. > Six Russian fighter jets were intercepted off the coast of Alaska yesterday by US and Canadian planes. The Russians had entered the Air Defense Identification Zone, but not actual US airspace. The Russkies turned around and bugged out, but the incident was likely to have been intentional. Sweden also says two Russian fighter-bombers violated their airspace last week.

Alibaba and the 40 Thieves: Shares in the Chinese e-commerce giant Alibaba were offered at $68, opened at $92.70 and closed at $93.89 yesterday, a 38 percent jump. But you had to smoke cigars with the right people to make the big money on that one.

The Nutmeggers: Former Connecticut Gov. John Rowland was found guilty yesterday of violating federal election law in a case that can only be described as complicated. Rowland, 57, was found guilty of secretly advising the campaign of a candidate for Congress, while taking under-the-table payments totaling $35,000 from a business owned by the candidate’s husband. Rowland resigned in disgrace 10 years ago and has already served 10 months in prison for a guilty plea on other corruption charges. He faces up to another 20 years in prison.

Loss of Down: Trying to recover from a series of fumbles, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced yesterday the league will change how it investigates domestic violence and sexual assault. “Unfortunately over the past several weeks, we have seen all too much of the NFL doing wrong. That starts with me,” Goodell said.

Goodell initially gave an unpopular two-game suspension to Baltimore’s Ray Rice until the release of a video show Rice knocking his fiancée unconscious. Goodell said all NFL players, coaches, executives, employees and owners will be schooled about domestic violence and sexual assault. He said he will not resign and that, “I will get it right, and do whatever is necessary to accomplish that.”

The Obit Page: Country singer George Hamilton IV, known as the “International Ambassador of Country Music,” died in Nashville after a heart attack at age 77. Hamilton’s biggest hit was “Abilene,” which was No. 1 on the country charts in 1963. Other hits were “Before This Day Ends,” “Three Steps to the Phone” and “If You Don’t Know, I Ain’t Gonna Tell You.”

I’m on my iPhone 6!: Apple fanatics all over the world who would never wait in line to make a call at a phone booth waited 24 hours a day for the release of the iPhone 6. The line in New York was reported to be 20 blocks long. Buyers who emerged from stores raised their new phones over their heads like it was the Stanley Cup. Now, call your mother and tell her you’re wasting the life she gave you.

The Naked Truth: Twenty-one year old pop star Miley Cyrus has posed nude for V Magazine. Cyrus, who’s never sung a tune you can hum, is best known for the butt muscle art of “twerking” and sticking out her tongue like Gene Simmons from Kiss. She told the magazine, “I know that I’m not a pop pop dumb dumb. I’m a lot more than someone who just goes and shakes her ass onstage.” We’ve tried to just make up stuff like this, but we can’t make it as good.

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Thursday, November 14, 2024

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It's Been Said

"Christians, get out and vote, just this time. You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what, it will be fixed, it will be fine, you won't have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians. I love you Christians. I'm a Christian. I love you, get out, you gotta get out and vote. In four years, you don't have to vote again, we'll have it fixed so good you're not going to have to vote."

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