East Ukraine Votes, Guy in Fabulous Dress
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Vol. 3, No. 131
Ukraine: Turnout appeared to be light today for a referendum on independence in eastern Ukraine, with many voters marking their ballots “yes.” The movement’s backers would create independent republics in Donetsk and Luhansk. The chairman of the election committee for the “Donetsk Republic” said, “The results will legitimize us before the world community,” but the US and European countries say they will not recognize the vote. The Ukraine government described the vote as a “criminal farce” organized by Russia.
The vote is seen as raising the risk of civil war in Ukraine, a threat to economic recovery both in Russia and the Euro zone.
Sports Page: Missouri defensive end Michael Sam became the first openly gay player drafted into the National Football League when he was picked in the seventh round yesterday by the St. Louis Rams. On hearing the news, he kissed his boyfriend. There was some question whether the NFL would man up and draft a gay player. Sam was a first-team All American who came out publicly in February. He already has an endorsement deal with Visa.
Wedding Bells: Marriage licenses were issued to several same sex couples in Arkansas yesterday, a day after a judge struck down the state’s same-sex marriage ban. Two women were the first to say, “I do.” About 20 couples were issued licenses in Eureka Springs, a popular marriage spot, before the sheriff ordered the clerk’s office to be closed at the usual 1pm hour. Arkansas county clerks might be flooded with applicants tomorrow.
Nation: The remains of unidentified victims of the 9/11 attacks yesterday morning were quietly and ceremoniously moved into a repository between the footprints of the old Twin Towers at the World Trade Center. The repository will be closed to the public. As the remains were transported past saluting firefighters, some protesters wore gags in silent objection that families of the dead were not consulted about placing the remains under the 9/11 memorial, which will become a major tourist attraction.
The Graduate: Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren graduated at the top of her class at Rollins College’s Hamilton Holt School in Winter Park, Fla. After being a part time student for nine years, she finished with a 3.96 GPA. Speaking to the class she said night school had given her a “place of peace in the wild storm of my personal life.”
Channel Change: In the annual bloodletting of spring, the television networks have cancelled a combined 40 television shows, most of which you’ve never heard of, which is why they are being cancelled. Among notable names, both Michael J. Fox and Robin Williams were unable to make a comeback in serial television.
Egregious Error Dept.: Yesterday we said breezily said Stephen Colbert is departing Comedy Central for The Tonight Show, but he’s going to The Late Show on CBS. This was a departure from our usual practice of typographical errors and getting the date wrong.
Best and Wurst: Austrian drag queen Conchita Wurst last night won the annual Eurovision Song Contest in front of an international television audience of 180 million viewers. He wore a gold filigreed, form-fitting fishtail gown with long brown hair and a neatly trimmed beard. Afterwards he humbly said, “I’m just a singer in a fabulous dress, with great hair and a beard.”
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Read More About:
9/11 victims Arkansas same-sex marriage Conchita Wurst Donetsk Republic eastern Ukraine Elin Nordegren Eurovision Song Contest Gay athletes Michael J. Fox Michael Sam NFL NFL Draft Robin Williams Russia Same-sex marriage Stephen Colbert Television cancellations Tiger Woods Twin Towers Ukraine vote World Trade Center
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