Blast Area Evacuated, Fried Snickers
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Vol. 4, No. 227
Tianjin: Chinese authorities have ordered the evacuation of a two-mile radius around the Wednesday’s chemical blast site after finding traces of sodium cyanide. Previously officials had confirmed the presence of calcium carbide, potassium nitrate, and sodium nitrate. Calcium carbide reacts with water to create highly explosive acetylene.
At least 85 people are confirmed dead, including 21 firefighters, in the enormous explosions in the northeast China port city, but today rescuers found a man alive 150 feet from the center of the explosion.
Permawar: An American aid worker held hostage by the Islamic State was used as a sexual slave by the organization’s leader, her family has confirmed. Kayla Mueller, 26, who was killed last February in a Jordanian air strike, was forced to “marry” Islamic State leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. Other women held with Mueller confirm to American authorities that Mueller was repeatedly taken away and assaulted. Islamic State fighters have convinced themselves that raping non-Muslim women will bring them closer to God.
Culture War: They say you can do anything you want in Japan so long as you apologize. Emperor Akihito apologized, sort of, for Japan’s wartime actions on the 70th anniversary of his country’s surrender in World War II. Using the passive voice of politicians who aren’t really taking responsibility, Akihito said, “Reflecting on our past and bearing in mind the feelings of deep remorse over the last war, I earnestly hope that the ravages of war will never be repeated.”
Prime Minister Shinzo Abe gave an equally apology-neutral speech, thanking the war dead for their sacrifice. The hawkish Abe is flirting with re-militarizing and changing the country’s pacifist constitution.
Nation: A federal appeals court has thrown out the lawsuit brought by Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio who argued that President Obama’s 2014 executive orders on immigration were unconstitutional. Despite Arpaio’s claim that his office was harmed by the order easing deportation for 4.7 million illegal immigrants, the court found that he was not harmed and therefore had no standing to file suit. The self-aggrandizing Arpaio, who calls himself “America’s toughest sheriff,” is the Donald Trump of law enforcement.
>Park Rangers in Yellowstone have killed a grizzly bear who killed and partially ate a hiker. The park administration has received some angry responses from animal lovers, but once a bear takes a human for food it is quickly eliminated from the population.
Political Pork: Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush flipped pork loins yesterday at the Iowa Pork Producers tent as he worked the state fair for voters. Presidential candidates believe you need to be seen eating funnel cakes, fried Snickers and corn dogs. Bernie Sanders is expected to appear today in the fair’s political arena known as The Soapbox. Jeb Bush, Mike Huckabee, Martin O’Malley, and Jim Webb have all put in appearances already. The fair treats all politicians equally; they all have to pay to enter. Although Donald Trump is expected to drop in today by helicopter.
By the way, you have to freeze a Snickers bar before you coat it with funnel cake batter and fry it.
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