Epstein-Barr Syndrome: Attorney Gen. William Barr is furious about the suicide of child-molester Jeffrey Epstein in the federally-managed Metropolitan Correctional Center in New York. “We are now learning of serious irregularities at this facility that are deeply concerning and demand a thorough investigation,” Barr said yesterday. He said, “There will be accountability,” although, we should note, not for Jeffrey Epstein.

  A lot of people don’t believe the prison could have been so incompetent as to allow Epstein to kill himself. The rich sex addict’s death has set off a predictable number of conspiracy theories, one of which has been promoted by President Trump. The President retweeted conservative comedian Terrence Williams saying, “#JefferyEpstein had information on Bill Clinton & now he’s dead,” suggesting that the former President had a hand in it.

  The Washington Posthas that on a list of 23 conspiracy theories promoted by the President, including that President Barack Obama was not born in the United States; Justice Antonin Scalia may have been murdered; and that Muslims are trying to impose Sharia religious law in the US.

  In addition to the conspiracy theories, Epstein’s death is likely to set off a feeding frenzy for his wealth, stated as $559 million in assets for his criminal proceedings. Women and girls claiming to be his victims … and likely there are hundreds … will be suing for a piece of the money pie.

Endangered:The government announced that it’s weakening protections for endangered species and legal immigrants who are too poor to support themselves. These moves have something in common — President Donald Trump.

  Starting in October, legal immigrants who are too poor to support themselves without food stamps and subsidized housing will be denied permanent legal status. Wealthier immigrants deemed less likely to need public assistance will be able to obtain a green card, the document that grants legal residence.

  Forget that old trope about “give me your poor, your tired,” President Trump is putting a wealth test on legal immigration. The policy probably comes from Stephen Miller, the immigrant-hating aide who advises the President on the issue.

  The administration also plans to hobble the Endangered Species Act, the law that brought back the American symbol, the bald eagle.

  There’s a business and anti-environmental angle in this. For the first time, regulators would be allowed to factor in economic losses in balancing whether to protect a species, for instance, whether loggers would lose too much money if an endangered animal is protected.  The administration will also make it more difficult to factor in the effects of climate change on wildlife.

China Syndrome:Protesters have interrupted operations at Hong Kong’s airport for the second day in a row. Arrival halls were clogged with protesters and check-ins were cancelled in late afternoon.  

The Horseradish Knows: The explosion at a secret Russian base on the White Sea that killed five people appears to have revealed that the Russians have been developing a nuclear-powered missile that would have potentially unlimited range. The mishap spread nuclear air pollution.

  Russian media report that the explosion occurred during a missile test on an offshore platform near Severodvinsk. In an understatement, the Russian defense ministry said “The tragedy occurred during works related to the engineering and technical support of isotopic sources in a liquid propulsion system.” Note that word “isotope.”

The Seesaw Market:With increasing worries about President Trump’s trade war with China, the Dow dropped 389 points yesterday. The major stock indexes are down more than 3% for August. 

The News Roundup:A friend of the Dayton mass shooter bought him body armor and a 100-round magazine, prosecutors said in charging 24-year-old Ethan Kollie with assisting in the massacre that killed nine people and injured dozens.— Former Obama White House lawyer Greg Craig went on trial yesterday on charges that he made false statements to the Justice Department about work he did for Ukraine. — In a further sign of turmoil within the National Rifle Association, a fourth board member has resigned from the organization. Board member Julie Golob, a big advocate for women getting into guns, gave no reason. 

Off the Grid:The Rooney Report will be off the grid for a few days. We’ll be back Saturday, weather and muscle soreness permitting.

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