Denver Delivers, Bill Gets Nasty

Omaha!: The Denver Broncos won the 50th Super Bowl last night 24-10 in a sloppy fumble and interception-ridden contest. The Denver defense stymied the powerful offense steered by quarterback Cam Newton.  Twice Denver stripped the ball from Newton’s hands, resulting in touchdowns.

Dejected and barely speaking, Newton walked out of the post game press conference saying, “I don’t know what you want me to say, I’m sorry,”

For Denver quarterback Peyton Manning, it was a record-setting 200th win, and at age 39, he proved that old guys rule. Manning wouldn’t say, but it was probably his last football game.

A Note From Our Sponsors: The much-vaunted Super Bowl television commercials featured a collection of cloying pitches that tried too hard to be clever without delivering much to care about. Some strained the limits of taste. The most charming might have been the NFL’s ad featuring singing children — and adults — who were born nine months after Super Bowl Games. The touchdown line: “Football is Family.”

It’s Political: Former President Bill Clinton unleashed a blistering attack on Bernie Sanders yesterday in New Hampshire, portraying him as sexist, dishonest, and hypocritical. Wearing a folksy red buffalo plaid shirt, Clinton said, “When you’re making a revolution you can’t be too careful with the facts.” Clinton described the Sanders healthcare plan as hastily assembled, and he said Internet trollers supporting Sanders have been vicious toward people who write in favor of his wife Hillary. “Attacks that are literally too profane often, not to mention sexist, to repeat,” Clinton said.

The former president’s speech is a sign that the Clintons are worried about Sanders’ growing popularity and as often the case in politics, the only way to fight back is to get mean.

A Vote Falls in the Woods: Voting for the New Hampshire primary begins at midnight in Dixville Notch, the little town that by tradition goes first to the polls. Dixville has only nine registered voters, and not much of an economy. The once grand Balsam Resort nestled in the mountains on the shore of a lake used to act as the polling place, but it closed in 2011. Politicians don’t have a place to stay when they go there, and the polls were relocated to a nearby house.

Weather Report: A snowy winter storm is moving into the East Coast today from New Jersey through Maine. New York is expected to get about one inch, Boston five to eight inches. Blizzard conditions are expected on Cape Cod and the Massachusetts islands.

The Obit Page: Dan Hicks, who gave his name to the 70s acoustic band Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks, has died at age 74. The band’s sound was a mixture of folk, country and jazz and Hicks was a bit of an eccentric. After climbing up the charts, he dissolved the band at the peak of their popularity in 1973.

Editor’s Note: The entire Rooney Report Super Bowl statistical analysis division was fired last night after wrongly predicting that the Carolina Panthers would “crush” the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl. The editor knew better but went with his numbers crunchers. The Report’s Super Bowl prediction algorithm was donated to Al Jazeera America.

Monday, November 25, 2024

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It's Been Said

"Christians, get out and vote, just this time. You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what, it will be fixed, it will be fine, you won't have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians. I love you Christians. I'm a Christian. I love you, get out, you gotta get out and vote. In four years, you don't have to vote again, we'll have it fixed so good you're not going to have to vote."

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