IT’s 2018, Cold, and Kim is Threatening
Monday, January 1, 2018
Vol. 7, No. 1
Happy New Year!: About two million celebrants under close police observation peacefully rang in the new year in New York’s Times Square last night. SWAT teams and snipers watched over the big street parties across the country.
In Houston, police arrested a drunken man with a small arsenal of guns in a hotel that hosts one of the city’s biggest New Year’s parties. He told the cops he brought them in because he didn’t want them stolen from his truck.
In Illinois, divorcing couples will have to litigate ownership and joint custody of the pets like they’re children and recreational marijuana becomes legal in California. They seem to think they need it.
President Donald Trump graciously tweeted, “I want to wish all of my friends, supporters, enemies, haters, and even the very dishonest Fake News Media, a Happy and Healthy New Year.”
Colorado Shootout: One sheriff’s deputy was killed and four wounded in suburban Denver in a fusillade of 100 rounds fired by a man after the officers responded to a report of a domestic disturbance. Sheriff Tony Spurlock said, “They all went down almost within seconds of each other . . . He knew we were coming. We obviously let him know that we were there to investigate a disturbance.”
The gunman was killed and two other civilians wounded. The dead officer was 29 and had been on the job only seven months who left a wife and two young children. Spurlock said, “When I sat with his wife and held her hand, I could see in her eyes that her life was over.”
Plane Crash: Ten American tourists and their two Costa Rican pilots were killed when their plane went down yesterday. Bruce and Irene Steinberg of Scarsdale, NY, and their three sons were among 10 Americans killed
The Nature Air charter flight took off just after noon Sunday from Punta Islita and was headed for the capital of San Jose when it crashed. No cause has been given.
The Big Chill: It’s minus 31 in Havre, MT.; Grand Forks, ND, -14; Muncie, IND, -7; Staatsburg, NY, -8; Windsor, CT, -4; Boston, 0; Caribou, ME, -5.
The Hermit Kingdom: North Korean leader Kim Jong Un says that his nuclear forces are now complete and that he has a nuclear button installed on his desk. “The US should know that the button for nuclear weapons is on my table,” he said during a speech “The entire area of the U.S. mainland is within our nuclear strike range. … The United States can never start a war against me and our country.”
Not to come off at as too scary, Kim wished success for the winter Olympics set to start in South Korea in February.
Iran: State television says at least 12 people have been killed in continuing anti-government protests. Armed protesters have tried to take over police stations and military bases, they report.
Checkbook Diplomacy: President Trump was up first thing this morning threatening to cut off financial aid to Pakistan.
He tweeted, “The United States has foolishly given Pakistan more than 33 billion dollars in aid over the last 15 years, and they have given us nothing but lies & deceit, thinking of our leaders as fools. They give safe haven to the terrorists we hunt in Afghanistan, with little help. No more!”
Clickbait: Have a good year. The Report would offer a montage of the best beach bodies of the holidays, but we don’t do pictures.